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Look past the pain.
Date: Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Time: 1:49 AM x
I stopped blogging anything of substance since long ago.But since recently in a long time, my primary outlet for venting all my emotions have always been twitter. And ive only realised how much of my tweets have been so negative. I cant bring myself to find someone to talk it out, i dont trust enough, i get sensitive, i get hostile. I feel like ive forgotten how to smile and laugh without a but... or an if.... I am going to try and find something to be happy about everytime i feel affected. I want to count my blessings (: My life has gone downhill since a long way back, and it is still going downhill. I am just waiting to hit the very bottom, because when i do, there is no deeper to go and the only way is up. I have lost too much friends to lose anymore, but even still, i dont have that courage to hold onto those that are still around, around and ready to go. I dont have that many choices to pick and spill my troubles to, and even if i find one, i just cant...voice it out. I guess by bottling up so much, i gradually get more and more sensitive. I can be really happy, really mad, really jealous, really depress. There is no balance. I get really happy to be around these few friends i have left, and when things happen that threatens my happiness, my sensitivity is triggered, and i get really agitated and mad and lash out on this friend. And then i get overwhelm by guilt and put distance between us. So we slowly drift and ive lost another friend. But there are those who have been patient with me, who made an effort to show me that, hey they are still here, its ok, we're still good. These friends who in their own way touch me with their words and encouragement. These friends who still seek my company. While God is my powerline, these people are my portable charger. I thank God for them. I thank you for you. p/s: wow it works x
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